The Engagement Box
by theactonbell
Summary: Maura finds a suspicious box. Jane acts strangely. Will there be room for a happy ending or will misunderstandings tear everything apart? Two Shot. Rated T for now.
1. To Build A Home

**A/N: Well, I'm back. Temporarily at least. I have to say I do feel pretty rusty and I apologise for this beforehand.  
This is a short two shot that I wrote, which also refers to the wonderful decision of the supreme court a few weeks ago. So yeah, hope you like it so far, but logically Part 2 will be much more interesting, haha.**

 **Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything.**

* * *

A uneasy glance towards the clock on your bedside table makes you painfully aware of your delay for your lunch date with Jane. You know you should be sitting in the car right now, driving towards the city centre, but you just can't seem to find your favourite pair of pearl earrings. The pair she had given to you five years ago on Valentines Day, the ones that would perfectly match the burgundy cocktail dress you had chosen to wear to the date.

 _She loves that dress, or more precisely, it's generous display of your accessible skin._

A plain note, which you had found earlier this morning on the kitchen cabinet, had informed you of your expected appearance at the renown L'Espalier at 1 p.m. this afternoon. Normally, Jane would come down to the morgue and surprise you there, before driving to the restaurant together, but you were fighting a momentary headache and cold and therefore had taken an involuntary three day leave from work and stayed home.

And surprisingly, Jane had eagerly supported this idea of you staying home. You reckoned, though, that this opaque enthusiasm had more to do with the fact that she could finally implement her wildest housewife fantasies, rather than expressing real medical concern.

 _But you couldn't hold it against her since the sex had been good, exceptionally so. Better than it had been in a while. Full of unabashed passion and lust._

The specific occasion, however, as to why Jane wanted you to meet her there, even more so on a windy and rainy Friday late October, was unknown to you, and this lack of knowledge put you on edge. It found a disturbing way of exposing your heart to the faint yet pernicious feeling of inscrutable uneasiness.

 _Because Jane had never wanted to take you to a fine, or in her words pretentious, restaurant on her own before._

You try to focus back on the present and franticly start rummaging through the drawers of your bedroom dresser, while at the same time trying to ignore your incessantly ringing phone. Then suddenly, you notice something in the corner of your eye. A small and green velvety box, inconspicuously perched on the top of the dresser between old photographs and boxing gloves.

 _Between Jane's things._

Curious, you pause at the unexpected sight and rise to your feet from your position at the bottom of the dresser. Hesitantly and with trembling fingers, you reach for the green box and place it delicately in your damp palm. As soon as the fabric touches your skin, your body releases a sudden yet heavy breath you weren't even aware of holding in. The case itself is exceptionally soft and light, and yet the potential meaning behind it feels heavy and unfamiliar. Scary even.

 _It can't be, she wouldn't have. Could this possibly be the reason for the lunch date? Why would she have left it here then?_

Slowly, your nimble fingers press the sides apart and the sight you are granted with causes your eyes to widen and your lungs to gasp for air. Everything around you seems to fade, everything except the dull sound of your erratic heartbeat.

 _Oh, Jane._

The ring is nothing but beautiful. The golden band is thin and evenly formed, and the small diamond placed on its crown compliments it perfectly. Cautiously, you take it out of the box, not able to resist wanting to feel its weight on your finger, wanting to experience the reality this symbol entails, even if the moment is brief.

 _You, Maura Dorothea Isles, are going to be Jane Clementine Rizzoli's wife._

 _Jane choses you._

"I will be Jane's wife." The sudden sound of your voice floats through the now silent room, echoing from the walls and filling it with life. This stark realisation makes everything look different now, somewhat more vibrant and colourful, and it feels natural, exciting even, to say these words. Surprisingly, their meaning isn't as scary or confining as you had expected.

 _Freedom. Happiness. Completeness._

Smiling, you carefully and slowly slide the ring off your lean finger again, relishing the way the cold metal feels on your skin, and put it back where it belongs, safely protected by cushioned velvet. Although the feeling of loss is instant, the certainty that you will see it again, wear it again, eases the slight apprehension that has come to bother your mind.

 _She wants you forever._

* * *

The unexpected sound of the well known melody of Jane's ringtone makes you abandon any further thought about rings and futures immediately. Instead, it brings you back to the fact that you are even later for the lunch date now. Groaning, you quickly walk over to your bed and retrieve your phone from under your pillow. It displays 3 missed calls and 4 unread messages, all from Jane.

 **Hey babe, you feeling better? Did you get my note about lunch? Love you. J** \- 10:31 a.m.

 **Hey, it's me again. Just checking if you found the note on the kitchen counter? Please tell me if you did! Love, J** \- 11:42 a.m.

 **Hey Maura, forget about the note. I changed my mind about going to this escargot thing. Nothing to worry about. Guess, I'll see you tonight then. Miss you. J** \- 12:17 p.m.

 **Maura, could please pick up your phone and confirm that you read the last messages? By the way, I would've had to cancel lunch anyway since we just caught another case. X J** \- 12:48 p.m.

It's the third message that makes you pause.

 _Jane changed her mind? Why?_

If you're honest, you are more than intrigued by the reason as to why Jane would have such a radical change of heart so shortly before your presumably high-end dinner and to why she wouldn't tell you. Surely, you had learned through the course of your seven year relationship with Jane, that it was better to not question her occasional spontaneity, but this time, knowing of this box, you couldn't help but to assume. And you couldn't bring yourself to care if Jane would eternally tease you about this fact, given that she ever caught wind of this notion. This was too important.

 _The ring. Maybe she noticed that she had forgotten it and cancelled lunch because of that? Had she really wanted to propose to you today? Why today? Maybe she didn't want to propose at all? Maybe she's very stressed with work at the moment and wasn't in the mood?_

Numerous questions chase each other through the depths of your mind, each one trying to catch the train of your logical thought process, but none of them succeeding. The train is too fast, causing you to sit down on the far side of your bed. One of the worst things a scientist like you could encounter is the lack of answers that one so eagerly wants. That one so desperately _needs_.

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to force the rapidly moving ball of questions to slow down. You need clarity now. Serenity. You breath out slowly and release the firm grip of your thumb and forefinger on your nose. _Meditation_. Over the years, you've come to know that meditation had always helped in these cases of mental distress.

The longer you maintain the steady breathing pattern, the more you feel the logical control of your brain regain its power over the countless and disordered thoughts. Gradually, your vision clears again and the momentary relief makes you sigh. Just as you're ready to confront each question individually and considerately, however, one question violently breaks through the rampart of your mind.

 _What if she doesn't want to marry you at all?_

The pain in your heart is instant. The gut wrenching feeling of rejection, that increases with each beat of your heart, blows you away. Before you're able to grasp any coherent or stabilising thought, tears begin to silently run down your porcelain skin. They burn scorching marks into the delicate flesh, branding you. Showing your weakness, making the intensity of the pain terribly real.

 _What if she got scared and thinks your relationship isn't strong enough for such a finalising commitment?_

You try to break free of these damaging thoughts and unlock your phone anew. You reread the messages while furiously trying to get rid of the treacherous tears.

 _Stop crying. It is highly probable that there is a simple and logic reason for the cancellation._

You analyse each and every word, focusing mostly on the third and fourth message. It seems to you, that she seems sincere and neither deceitful nor nervous at all. Most importantly, though, it really doesn't seem as if she had wanted to propose to you. Probably, she had just wanted to pay you extra attention after being home alone for these last three days.

 _Way to go, Maura. Worrying about nothing again. You will see that she will have the perfect explanation for this later._

When you're eyes have finally lost their puffiness and the tears are fully dried again, you decide to call her back. You hope that your attempt to come across as normal as possible will be successful and you try to forget your emotional breakdown and the ring because Jane doesn't need to know about this.

* * *

"Finally. Are you okay?" She picks up after the first ring, her voice sounds deeper and rougher than usually.

"Yes, Jane. My headache has greatly improved since this morning. Thank you again for the tablets and the glass of water on my nightstand this morning, I think that really helped." You regret the formalness the words portray instantly, but at the same time you're trying your very hardest not to address the topic of the box that is somehow still burning on the tip of your tongue.

"Good." You wait for her to add something, but she stays silent and that worries you a bit. So you try and get her to come out of her mono-syllablic cave.

"I missed you when I woke up all alone in our bed this morning." She sighs at your puerile confession and you grin lightly at your small victory.

"I missed you, too. Maura.." She hesitates and you hear Korsak calling her in the background. "..I think it's good that we didn't have lunch at this fancy escargot thing now because in the end that would've just been wrong. I really need to go now, Korsak's up my ass, but I have to tell you something when I get home tonight, okay?" Without waiting for your reply, she ends the call with a hasty and hackneyed declaration. "Love you."

The line goes dead and if anything, you're left with more doubt and less reassurance than before. This taciturn behaviour is so unlike Jane and somehow it makes you fear and at the same time anticipate her eventual arrival later tonight.

 _What does she need to tell you?_

* * *

 **Thank you for taking your time and reading this.**

 **Any thoughts so far?**

 **Oh, I forgot to add that I'm in search of a beta. If anybody's interested, please PM me. Thanks in advance!**

 **Cheers, A.**


	2. That Home

**A/N: Remember me?**

 **Sorry for the long wait, and t** **hank you for your patience and feedback.**

 **Disclaimer: See chapter before.**

* * *

Pervaded by uncertainty, the dreary hours between the call and Jane's arrival are an arduous affair to endure. It's funny, how one moment fills your heart with terrifying fear and teasing doubt at thinking about the beautiful green box and its taunting content, and the next overwhelms you with an excited anticipation for Jane to finally reveal her secret.

 _Basically, you just don't know what to think._

In the meantime while waiting for her, you had tried your best at distracting yourself with typical "housewife chores" — Jane'd surely have a blast if she saw you in this unconventional pink apron you were wearing right now — cleaning the rooms, rinsing the pile of dishes from yesterdays impromptu chocolate fondue, reducing the enormous pile of dirty laundry to a modicum and finally giving Bass a long needed and thoroughly wash.

You are fairly exhausted when Bass eventually scurries off into the kitchen to devour freshly bought strawberries, and you can rest your tired head against the soft cushion of your living room couch. You close your eyes, allowing yourself the first lingering moment of quiet inaction after your unsettling conversation with Jane. Even if you aware that you can't avoid confronting the pressing questions or refrain from answering them in perpetuity, you know that forming a slight distance to the matters by diverting your attention towards other things has visibly calmed your peevish nerves.

While trying to savour this sweet escape to silence for a few more seconds, you let your eyes wander proudly over the newly cleansed room and its voguish furniture. However, your trivial inspection comes to an end when your gaze passes over a particular picture frame.

 _One of your all time favourites._

Without hesitating you remove your aching body from the comfortable refuge of the couch, and approach the small shelf placed above your fireplace. You grasp the elegant frame cautiously before taking it down and reclaiming your spot on the couch. Letting your fingers run over the detailed ornaments carved into the wood, you hold it close while examining it carefully — smiling at the warm feeling the memory stirs up in the bottom of your heart.

The picture shows Jane standing next to you with her right arm securely wrapped around your waist, wearing a bashful yet proud smile, while you grin excitedly into the camera — presenting the very first anniversary present she had given to you.

 _You love it because you both look so breathtakingly happy in that particular moment. So in love._

She had organised a trip to the city of love — Paris. Only the two of you for a whole week.

And what a sweet week it had been, even more so since Jane had instantly seemed to have fallen in love with the wonderful city. To your big surprise, it had taken a lot of convincing and coaxing from you for her to get on that plane back to Boston.

You chuckle at recalling her pouting lip and crushed, downcast eyes when you had finally reached the gate shortly before needing to board the plane. Her pleading look alone had almost been enough for you to extend the trip for a further week, but work was waiting and home was calling for you to return.

 _Honestly though, you could have stayed there for forever with her._

In hindsight, this minor and ludicrous exchange at the airport had been one of these irrational yet intense moments that had made you fall in love with her all over again, and even deeper than before.

 _Sublime, that is what your love for her is. In all your life, you haven't ever loved someone as completely and fiercely as the one Jane Clementine Rizzoli._

With the newly regained conviction, you return the frame to its original spot above the fireplace and make your way into the kitchen where Bass greets you with his typical unblinking stare. You reach down to pet his scaled head, but he successfully avoids it by quickly disappearing in the safety of his hard shell. "Oh Bass, stop being sulky about being all clean again. You knew that this was bound to happen sooner or later. Your behaviour is terribly ridiculous!" Sadly though, your motherly chiding doesn't provoke the wanted response — Bass stays securely hidden in his armour — and you're left with nothing but to resume your search for a relaxing herbal tea.

* * *

While you're waiting for the tea to finish brewing, you get out your phone and check if you've gotten any news from Jane. Your message box is empty, which surprises you since it's already 6 o'clock.

 _Must be a hard case they've caught. She'll be home soon, so don't worry._

The timer chimes, and you add a tiny amount of milk to your tea before going back to the couch and sitting down. Somewhat relaxed, you revel in the warmth the hot tea brings to your body and finally, finally you let yourself think about the pending questions, and about Jane.

 _Jane._

The more you think of her, the worse you miss her and the more you need her. You want her with you now, all the insecurities and doubts forgotten. No box, no ring, no confessions. Just her here — wrapped in your arms — feeling your love.

 _With her you feel whole in every possible way. Untouchable, even. And it's her love for you that causes this — the love she shows you each and every day._

It's the crucial point as to why you can't understand Jane's sudden backtracking and the unexpected occurrence of this doubting, somewhat secretive nature. Even if she had tried to recover quickly by promising to come clean as soon as possible, the feared damage was done — indistinct but substantial.

The poisonous claws of doubt and fear were slowly closing in on your heart. On your love.

 _But Jane doesn't intend to hurt you deliberately. There will be a reason for all these misinterpretations._

 _She_ loves _you. Don't you forget that, Maura._

And with this last somewhat reassuring thought, you feel your tired eyes disappear behind the obscuring cover of eyelids, and moments later you have fallen into a deeply needed slumber.

* * *

The ponderous act of a soft blanket being draped over your bare feet and shoulders, followed by a wet kiss placed on your forehead, is enough to cause you to rouse from the unintended sleeping session. A fractious groan passes your lips at the sudden awareness of leisurely spreading consciousness.

Gradually, your eyes reveal themselves, and simultaneously regain their strength of greeting reality once again. Surprisingly, daylight has made way for the darkness of night, and yet the soft light of your living room lamp makes you blink in order to adjust to the change of brightness.

 _Had you really fallen asleep? Where was Jane?_

"Jane?" You voice is thick with the remaining traces of sleep, and your mind hasn't completely found its way back from the land of dreams, so it doesn't surprise you when there is no immediate response.

Somewhat disoriented, you sit up and rub your heavy eyes while searching for the obvious source of the disruption; searching for Jane. Luckily, you don't have to wait long as she comes back to the living room a few moments later, beer and sandwich in hand.

Jane notices your wakened state instantly, the unusual combination of love and nervousness discernible in her beautiful brown eyes when she finally catches your gaze.

"Maura…hey, babe. Sorry, I woke you. I really tried my best at not waking you, but I seem my 'klutziness' had something against that mission…" The following deep and throaty chuckle coupled with the trademark grin, wrap you up in a blanket of comforting familiarity and you smile at her cautious attempt at humour.

 _And yet, you see it in her eyes — she knows you haven't forgotten._

Instead of responding verbally, you beckon her over to the couch. She barely has time to set down the beer and sandwich before you are pressing your lips to hers in a deep and searching kiss. She doesn't resist you, her ingenuousness eliciting a inaudible sigh from your mouth.

 _The sensation of relief._

You love her taste, her lips, her warmth — the perfect mixture being the closest thing for you to reach divinity. Today is no different, even though she tastes mostly of beer and cheese sandwich. But during further exploration, you detect a hint of mint on the left corner of her lip, and that makes you falter, even if only for an instant. Your mind, however, is already trying to process the meaning behind this recognised taste.

 _She chewed this terribly unhealthy mint gum today. That means that she had a lot of thinking to do… What was she thinking about? The ring?_

Trying to ignore the unnerving thoughts, and rather wanting to intensify the sensation of your long awaited reunion, your tongue strives to pass through the soft barrier of her lips — and which at being victorious — is greeted by equally desperate moans.

Heat between you begins to rise rapidly, clothes become increasingly unnecessary, and lips get bolder in search for even greater pleasure. A daring nip to your exposed collarbone makes you painfully aware of the fact, that you are on the edge of losing yourself in this addictive rush of want. And although the promising thought of chasing the elephant out of the room — by abandoning yourself to soothing pleasure — seems incredibly inviting, you can't let that happen. Your mind and heart can't forget the dreadful hours of uncertainty and doubt you had to deal with before.

 _Say something._

"Wait." Jane's wandering hands tense and stop at the dip of your waist. When nothing follows your quiet objection she takes a step back, looking at you with questioning and timorous eyes.

 _She looks like she could run._

Not wanting to give her the opportunity to run from you, you decide to close the created distance again by placing your palm softly on her warm and blushing cheek. "I think there is something you wanted to tell me before this evening gets out of hand, Jane."

You rather feel then see her jaw bone clench under your fingers after your words have reached her, and the sensation it evokes is rather unsettling. Then all of a sudden, she completely lets go of you, moving towards the far side of the couch, before taking a long sip from the beer and sitting down.

"Jane…"

You feel unexpectedly cold at the loss of her close proximity, and you regret your harsh advance almost instantly. Seeing Jane pull away from you so clearly, frightens you because it means that something important is going on, something that cannot be solved by sweet words and loving kisses. And yet, your love and conviction, regarding the fixing of her tormented soul, makes you approach her as you place your body next to hers on the couch.

She has yet to say a word, but you can see her mind working due to the way she rubs at her angular palms; the way she strokes her prominent scars. This gesture has always been a tell tale sign for distress, and you hate to see her this way without really knowing how to help her.

"Talk to me…"

You carefully place your hand on her lower thigh, relieved when she doesn't shake it off. Slowly, your hand begins to draw soothing patterns on the rough fabric of her jeans. After a few minutes, she lets out a heavy sigh and then clears her throat.

"You know, this morning, when I woke up and studied the sleeping face of the most beautiful and precious woman I have ever come across, I had this absurd and somewhat spontaneous idea of…", she hesitates, her eyes flicking towards yours for an instant before focusing back on her calloused hands, "… of officially wanting to claim her for the rest of my life. For eternity— or as long as would want me obviously…"

You register her words and abruptly, the motion of your hand on Jane's knee stops. You can feel your blood rushing through your humming body, carrying this incredible news. It clouds your mind deliciously, and in its wake it colours your cheeks in the deepest of reds. You can barely keep yourself from staying silent, the feelings and sensation unbearably intense.

 _See? She_ does _want to marry you! Your doubts and insecurities were downright unjustified once again._

You're just about to tell her that _yes_ , you want this too so much, when her voice reappears and she proceeds.

"So yeah, I've always known that this woman was my future, and I had been thinking about proposing to her for a long time. The day I finally bought the ring, was the day, gay marriage got legalised countrywide. Even though I'm not the most political person, this news made me _happy_ because at last, I had the feeling that our beautiful love was socially recognised. Shortly afterwards, I made a flexible reservation at one of her favourite restaurants and I even got Ma's final approval, which also was really reassuring. But in the end, all that was subsidiary because…", and now she's looking at you — with her big and open eyes — her tone sincere.

"…because I hadn't found the perfect moment to ask her yet. Until this morning, when after waking up next to her after a night full of the sweetest of loves it all made sense… I needed her and I _wanted_ her in every thinkable way. _Forever._ Her loving heart, her sweet mind, her perfect body — the completeness she gives me — I needed it all. It was the first time this desire of marrying her had felt desperate, like it couldn't be put off. The first time this future felt feasible… _real._ " She whispers these last words almost reverently.

The pureness of this moment makes a single tear of happiness escape your watering eyes. It slides down your pale cheek until it falls softly onto the waiting palm of your hand. You don't wipe it away because it's precious evidence for this moment being real.

 _You feel on top of the world._

She doesn't notice your emotional state, though, being too concentrated on finishing her story. Her gaze steadily fixed on the opposite wall, she takes another deep breath. Then she kneads her tanned temple with strong fingers, and starts speaking again.

"But then I…I forgot the ring. _So fucking stupid._ Left it on the top of the dresser next to my boxing gloves, which I also forgot because my _mother_ suddenly stood in front of the door, needing me to drive her to work as quickly as possible because she was running terribly late for her shift, and Cavanaugh hadn't stayed the night. You _know_ , how distracting Ma's attitude can be…"

You can't hide your impish grin at Jane's typical move of blaming her mother. You had learned, that somethings concerning the Rizzoli family would never change. Their relationship was deeply loving but very complex — too complex for you to understand at times, even after all these years.

You shift to embrace her, wanting to reassure her that this wasn't the end of the world, but she brushes you off, determined but vulnerable. "Wait, Maur. Please, let me finish…"

You nod, silently.

"Well, I was excited but also terribly nervous when I eventually made it to the office, knowing that it was only a few hours until _the_ lunch with her. Before I left I had written a note for her, wanting to surprise her. An hour before I had to leave, I snuck into an empty interrogation room, needing time to prepare myself for the actual moment of asking her. When I reached into my inside pocket for the box, however, it was empty. The ring was gone…"

Jane breaks off, lifts her legs up onto the couch and wraps her arms around her knees. Then she turns towards you, facing you. Her eyes have turned grim and her features have noticeably hardened.

"So I ran back to my desk, searched through everything, but the box had disappeared. I was so angry at myself for forgetting it, that I almost tore my desk apart. And then, just before I had calmed down enough to message her to cancel lunch, Cavanaugh appeared at the door of the bullpen, calling me to his office."

Confused, you meet her eyes. Why did Cavanaugh have to talk to Jane? The last case had been solved four days prior, without complications or any legal consequences for the team. You had even read the final report.

 _Patience, Maura. She's just about to tell you._

"Well at first, I couldn't think of anything that would justify ordering me to his office, but then he presented this light brown folder to me, and I remembered." A bitter smile graces her lips, and you can't fathom any reason for it at all.

"About two months ago, I applied for the sergeant position that Korsak will be vacating at the end of the year when he retires. I didn't tell anybody about it because I knew that the possibility for attaining the job wasn't very high, and I really didn't want to cause any disappointment."

You look at her in utter disbelief, and she is quick to divert her eyes at your scorching stare. Tension becomes almost tangible, as it fills the room and your heart. All of a sudden, Jane's body turns rigid and her fingers curl up into angry fists.

"Cavanaugh called me in because he wanted to tell me that my application was rejected and Fitzgerald from Vice got the position. He didn't tell me any reasons for the decision, but I bet you that stupid DA guy just doesn't want me to meddle in his affairs."

This time, you can't help but to interrupt, her defiant attitude making your temper rise at rapid speed. All the earlier joy is long forgotten.

 _What is she thinking?_

"Stop, Jane. It's my turn to talk now. So firstly, you want to tell me that you wanted to take a important step in your career without even telling me? Seriously? And then disrespecting the DA for unproven reasons? Come on Jane, that's just ludicrous."

At least she has the decency of looking guilty at your outburst. "Maura, I know, but it was intended to be a surprise….I really didn't want to keep it from you, but—"

"—No, Jane. I mean, it seems like you want to marry me — enter a commitment based on unconditional love and trust — and at the same time, keep such important things from me? That's not how relationships work, not how _our_ relationship works, and I know that you're aware of that. Why, Jane? Why would you do something like that?"

You are hurt. Not in an angry way but in a quiet, more powerful way. This is not how you had expected this evening to play out — not with an argument questioning the core dynamics of your relationship.

 _What are you going to do now? Why is she so angry about this?_

Jane's soft whimper brings you back to the present; back to harsh reality.

"I know, that what I did wasn't right… But, I wanted this so much because I _needed_ to have this security for not having to worry about other options after marriage. Like the possibility of _children_ … I thought that I could help us finally take kids in consideration — on our _own_. I mean, I want to be able to give you a child since I know how desperately you want to one." Her voice is pained and hoarse now, silent tears falling down her prominent cheek bones.

"I want to be able to provide for my _family_ …I know I earn some money with the detective job, but it's hardly enough for any vacations or further treats. What if we had children, what could I offer them? I don't want to depend on your family's money because that just wouldn't be fair or right. And now I'm no further than before…and I have hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted to happen today." She is starting to get upset, sobs becoming more and more prominent.

And slowly, you begin to understand. The disparate parts unfold and come together piece by piece. Finally, you recognise the innocent motive behind her hurtful action. The realisation, which almost breaks your heart.

 _She still doesn't think she's good enough for me if she can't provide for me on her own. She's too strong headed, too proud to depend on your money; to depend on you._

 _To trust you._

"Maur..?"

Her timid voice carefully knocks at the door of your absent mind, and it takes a few seconds for it to respond and reveal itself. You know very well that you have to treat this subject with utmost care because questioning Jane's fierce sense of protection and strength could backfire far too quickly.

"Jane, honey, please, stop crying… It's going to be okay. _We're_ going to be okay, I promise." You approach her with new hope. Gently, your hand cups her cheek and you plant a firm and reassuring kiss on her quivering lips. She wraps her arms around your waist, squeezing hard. A tender smile appears on your lips while you proceed to brush away her tears with the soft pads of your fingers. Moments later, she finally calms down and starts to breathe normally again.

She looks at you then, eyes swollen and vulnerable. The sight makes your heavy beating heart almost come to a complete stop. You're not used to seeing her like this anymore, so terrifyingly fragile. Because over the last years, you had learned how to suffocate her painful demons; to mend her with your ceaseless love.

"So beautiful."

The words leave your mouth, only to be swallowed in hers as your lips reconnect in the most bruising kiss. "I'm sorry…" Kiss. "Please, forgive me…" Kiss. "I love you so much…" Kiss.

It takes a few minutes for her to completely release your tingling mouth, but at least this time, her arms keep their hold on your waist. Her closeness fills your body with pleasant warmth. You almost want to ignore the pending issues, and resume kissing her until she takes you to bed. But that would be foolish, this talk is far from over. You have to address her never ending urge to be in control of everything because if she still wants to marry you, this way of hers won't get your wish of a joint future very far.

 _Don't fail her. Show her, that you are her safe haven._

 _Show her, that she can trust you_ without restraint _._

"I love you, too, Jane. So much…", giving her a sincere smile, you carefully lift her chin. You want her to see you — your love — no matter how painfully and judgemental your next words will be perceived.

"There's nothing to forgive, Jane, honestly. But still, you have to learn to stop trying to protect me from everything; to feel guilty if you have to depend on me; to let yourself completely _trust_ me. We've been together seven years now, Jane. How can it be, that you still don't understand that I _want_ to share things _with_ , and fight _for_ you? That I want to fight your pain, share your joy and your failure? I _chose_ this. I chose this life because I _love_ you more than you could ever imagine — every little part of you."

You pause, looking at her, but her eyes are closed and her mouth forms a thin line. A feeling of anxiousness settles in your stomach. You hate this perturbing unsureness caused by silence; by the power of no reaction. This is your heart you're giving to her right now, and yet, she seems to have nothing to say.

And still, you decide to continue because after all, this is Jane.

 _Your Jane._

"This future we are shaping together right now, is _our_ future, and I play a part in it, too. We _share_ this. You do so much for all of us, your family, our friends, our relationship, but you don't always have to do everything on your own. You don't always have to be the strong one, Jane…"

 _Don't run, Jane. Please…_

She loosens her hold on your waist, and you can't help but to be overcome by paralysing fear at her silence. You anxiously await the loss of her comfort, but it never comes. Instead, she merely shifts, placing a soft kiss into your hair before moving her head to the crook of your neck. She releases a short sigh, making the tiny hairs rise on your neck rise to attention. Then she finally answers, but you can barely make out her words.

"I _do_ understand your point, Maura. But…it's just so hard to change…", she sighs again, sounding frighteningly defeated. "I mean, it's only been me, all my life. Sure, I have my family and some friends, but I've always been the only person in charge of my happiness. I always have the feeling that it's my _job_ to bring happiness to other people; to protect them. _I_ was the one, who decided to forget about college because of the money issues we had. _I_ was the one, who held my family together when my Dad decided we weren't good enough anymore. _I_ was the one, who killed my darkest nightmare, Hoyt.."

A palpable shudder travels through her body at this last thought, and it's distressing to see how affected she still is even after all this time. You caress her wild curls fiercely, fighting against the memories you know are invading her mind right now; trying to rid her of these last remnants of fear.

She kisses your neck, appreciatively.

"Well…somehow, I never had this security of letting myself lose control… That is until _you_ appeared, obviously. You turned my world around — completely — and I know that I do trust you with all my heart. But bad habits are hard to get rid of, and even if I'm trying my best, it's hard letting go sometimes…especially when it concerns highly important matters…"

In this moment, you decide that you can't wait any longer — her words too powerful to ever doubt her again. For once this delighting reassurance makes you reckless, spontaneous, unusually human in your decision-making.

"Jane, it's okay, I understand that you still need time. I was just really worried about you not trusting me enough — enough for committing to marriage; to having a family…even if you love me. But the longer we talk, the clearer it becomes to me, that… yes, I too, want to claim you for eternity. Now go upstairs, and get the box."

 _You want her to propose right now. You finally want to be called hers until forever._

Confusion paints Jane's face. "What? Which box?"

Her hesitation is almost enough for you to snap in impatience.

 _Why,_ in one of the most important moments of your lives _, must she be so slow-witted?_

"The green box on the top of the dresser. The one you ' _so stupidly_ ' forgot this morning, Silly."

Instantly, her features light up in excited recognition, and a most content grin spreads over her face. She entangles herself from you and gets up. Just as she's about to reach the stairs, she turns back and catches your gaze— all of a sudden Jane's eyes are filled with sheer sobriety.

"Is this what I think it is? Is this our perfect moment?"

Her husky voice can barely contain the joy that's timidly running beside the words. You smile and nod. The answer is so clear that it shouldn't have to be tainted by unnecessary words. At least, your silent affirmation is enough for her to resume her journey upstairs, and she doesn't wait to take off at rapid speed.

You hear her moving around in your bedroom, and then come back downstairs. You take a deep breath, knowing that the inevitable moment is quickly approaching. As predicted, you feel her presence coming closer moments later. You observe her as she walks towards you with measured steps and her hands behind her back.

She looks up and your eyes meet in an immediate dance. A dance filled with love, trust and happiness. It seems to go on forever, the substantial concept of time having no hold over you anymore. You don't ever want it to change.

 _This is_ your _moment. This is your love._

When her right knee bends and she kneels before you, you can't seem breathe. The air is caught in your humming lungs, as if they feared to let it escape and blow this treasured moment away. You notice her eyes, they are glowing — full of tenderness and love. The smile on her lips is soft but sincere. Slowly, her lean fingers open the green velvety box; revealing the golden ring.

The ring hasn't altered — obviously — but it's effortless beauty has you under its spell immediately again. You're quick to rebuild the colourful bridges of daydreams, leading you to your secret fantasy — a white dress, sunshine, your family, _Jane_ in an equally beautiful dress.

The distant sound of her sweet voice is fast to coax you back steadily towards reality.

"Maura Dorothea Isles, is it possible that you would still want to marry me…? Do you want to become my wife?"

 _It's perfect._

"Yes, Jane. A thousand times yes."

The crucial moment is so much more intense than you could ever have imagined. Your heart is full, full of love and happiness. You feel like you have jumped from the highest cliff without the fear of ever reaching the dreaded and deadly ground.

Jane just beams at you, all the prior angst and nervousness has vanished from her face.

"I love you, Maura Dorothea Rizzoli-Isles."

You pull her into another kiss, each contact more promising than the last. You know where this evening will end, and you can't wait to worship every single part of her. Now that your is officially allowed to.

 _You want to make love to her — claim her — like you promised her._

"I love you too, Jane Clementine Rizzoli-Isles. And now, future wife, take me to bed. I want to _show_ you just how much I love you."

* * *

The End

* * *

 **That's it guys, hope you enjoyed it.**

 **Take care,**

 **A.**


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